Christmas time, memories, and me

Christmas time can be a very difficult time of the year for some people. They can get nostalgic; some others miss loved ones and others remember past experiences that could make them sad. I am one of those that get sad. 

Growing up, my holidays were full of joy, sharing, love, family, friends. I had an amazing time. Then those feelings change abruptly during my years of marriage.

Every year when the holidays where approaching, the struggle begins: insults because he didn't want to spend time with the family, not receiving any gift from him, when I was having a good time at a family's gathering, he just wanted to leave, yelling, trying to protect the kids while he decided to ruin our holidays. 

These are some of the things I remember from these holidays and somehow, they are like foggy, blurry. But what I sure don't remember is the good memories. Those are gone. I don't have them anymore. This is what makes me sad because my mind has erased all those memories not letting me hang on, not even to one of them. 

Since I decided to start a new life, seven years ago, I've been trying to create new Christmas time memories. I have had created these with friends and family here in Florida. But those bad memories of the past haven't let me create new memories with my family back home. I cannot go and spend it with them... not yet. Although is difficult for them, they understand and respect my decision.

As I grow older, I have learned to appreciate the simplest things, little things that matter. With these little things come the building of special memories with loved ones; that even though they are not family, they have opened their hearts to me and let me in. With these simplest things. I have also learned that it doesn't matter that you don't receive a gift on Christmas morning or day, but what counts is the loved ones that take time to greet you in their one special way. The little things have also taught me to be grateful and that I am capable to create new memories that I would remember and cherish.

This Christmas time, even though I feel with a little sadness in my heart, there is also hope, gratefulness, and a fresh look towards spending time with loved ones and creating amazing stories together.

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas full of love and beautiful memories!

Take care, Tere