It is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. A month where we try to be more conscious about what is suicide and how we can prevent it. As part of it, I am sharing my personal encounter with suicidal thoughts and ideation. It is the first time,ever, I’m expressing myself about it...
I lived an abusing relationship for a long time. It was a
very difficult relationship where I experienced verbal and emotional abuse. At some point in it, suicidal thoughts came to my
mind. These thoughts came particularly when I was driving back from visiting my son who was in college. When you drive to the north side of Puerto Rico from the west coast, there is a high mountain that you will drive through. From this mountain, you can see a cliff with an amazing view of lower mountains and ending with the view of the ocean.
Every time I drove through there, for almost 2 years, the same thoughts came to my mind "What if I drive to the cliff and end my sadness." The cliff had a way of hypnotizing me and, in my head, was calling me.
Those thoughts circle in my mind every time I was driving
back home from visiting my son. I even stopped near the cliff once. Wanted to
see how deep it was and what could happen to me if I decided to drive/jump in
my car.
After getting home from visiting my son, days will follow
full of questions in my head. I had one question that constantly came to my
mind "What if I changed my mind while I’m going down the cliff?" This is the
question that kept me from doing it. I am very grateful to have had it! I am still alive, happy, and looking forward to many adventures!
Life can give us, sometimes, difficult situations hard to
handle. These situations are just situations, not our life. They are
experiences you lived. I have learned that the path of one’s life could be full
of stones, small and bigger ones; but between those stones, there are flowers
that will accompany you while you walk your life’s path. We should pay more
attention to those flowers; they will help us walk through all the stones.
Take care, Tere
