Christmas time, memories, and me

Christmas time can be a very difficult time of the year for some people. They can get nostalgic; some others miss loved ones and others remember past experiences that could make them sad. I am one of those that get sad. 

Growing up, my holidays were full of joy, sharing, love, family, friends. I had an amazing time. Then those feelings change abruptly during my years of marriage.

Every year when the holidays where approaching, the struggle begins: insults because he didn't want to spend time with the family, not receiving any gift from him, when I was having a good time at a family's gathering, he just wanted to leave, yelling, trying to protect the kids while he decided to ruin our holidays. 

These are some of the things I remember from these holidays and somehow, they are like foggy, blurry. But what I sure don't remember is the good memories. Those are gone. I don't have them anymore. This is what makes me sad because my mind has erased all those memories not letting me hang on, not even to one of them. 

Since I decided to start a new life, seven years ago, I've been trying to create new Christmas time memories. I have had created these with friends and family here in Florida. But those bad memories of the past haven't let me create new memories with my family back home. I cannot go and spend it with them... not yet. Although is difficult for them, they understand and respect my decision.

As I grow older, I have learned to appreciate the simplest things, little things that matter. With these little things come the building of special memories with loved ones; that even though they are not family, they have opened their hearts to me and let me in. With these simplest things. I have also learned that it doesn't matter that you don't receive a gift on Christmas morning or day, but what counts is the loved ones that take time to greet you in their one special way. The little things have also taught me to be grateful and that I am capable to create new memories that I would remember and cherish.

This Christmas time, even though I feel with a little sadness in my heart, there is also hope, gratefulness, and a fresh look towards spending time with loved ones and creating amazing stories together.

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas full of love and beautiful memories!

Take care, Tere

Life gave me a second chance...

Almost a year ago, I lived a near-death experience. It was the morning of May and I decided to get hash browns for breakfast before I went to work. I stopped at a convenience store of a gas station. I was there along with other customers. We all were minding our own businesses when a man made an entrance to the store. He was holding a woman, who was his wife, by her arm while he was screaming at her. She looked horrified. She looked like she was trying to get out of his side. She was crying. Then, he grabbed a gun he had in his pants and was pointing it at her...
Long story short, all the customers, employees, and I were kept there for about 3 hours. We couldn't get out because the man will point at us with the gun and he was standing by the doors. One of the customers tried doing so and he was shot. He shot this man and his wife. Both of them ended dead.
Police came by the side door and shot the guy...

Me, while everything was happening... couldn't believe I was going through that experience, I only wanted hash browns. You know what people say about you having a mental movie in your head of all your life when you are experiencing something like this, yes, that happened to me. All my life went through my mind. My present life too. My future... I remember thinking that I wanted to do and experience a lot of things, I didn't want to die.
 I was there with children, young and older women, young and older men, people from different backgrounds and social status, with different ethnics and we all were feeling the same: terror. You could see the terror in their eyes, as I am sure they could see it in mine.
But life is generous and gave me a second chance to live. I came out of there alive. Alive and without a scratch. My heart was all shattered, but still alive. Every morning when I wake up, I give thanks for a new day and for my second chance to live. It hasn't been easy dealing with the aftermath of the experience but I'm a strong person and I have had good people beside me. There are days that I remember what happen and nightmares come at night, the day seems to be very heavy, and tears might come down but then I remember that I'm here alive, that life has given me a second chance... and intend to make the best of it.

I smiled

   I smiled even in my sorrow 

   I smiled to keep me going

   I smiled because it gave me strength

   I smiled because it helped me hide my real feelings

   I smiled even if I was crying

   I smiled to keep on trying.

   I smiled for my kids

   I smiled for my parents and siblings

   I smiled at my friends

   I smiled when my heart was aching

   I smiled when I felt lonely

   I smiled when I felt hopeless

   I smiled when I felt insecure

   I smiled when I felt I was nothing.

   I smiled because it gave me strength to change

   I smiled because I was done

   I smiled because I knew I deserved better

   Now, I smile because I deserve it 

    I smile because I don't have to take it anymore

    I smile because life has given me a second chance

    I smile because I want to

Tere Rodriguez-Nora