To the man who said I couldn’t be or accomplished anything... on the Domestic Violence Awareness month

October is the National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I want to say some things to that man that told me many, many, many times that I was nothing and that I couldn’t or wouldn’t be or accomplished anything.
You, the one that thought I couldn’t do anything, couldn’t be someone. Even more, you, the one that made me believe I couldn’t achieve anything...
Here I am, almost 6 years later after I ended our relationship and I have achieved way more than you can imagine. I am a woman with multiple roles in my life. Roles that I embrace every single day:
    I am a mother, a single one, who for the past 6 years (without counting all the ones before) has been a mom and a dad, loving and caring my sons.
    I am a published author with 3 published books and an award. Ha, and you thought that no one will publish my books.
    I am a mental health therapist and to think that you told me that I will never graduate from my masters.
    I am a teacher who tutors kids and love interacting and teaching them. Funny, you said I was too shy to do that kind of thing.
    I am a daughter who loves and takes care of their parents even on the distance, and you said I was a bad daughter because I was leaving them.
    I am a good friend to my friends who appreciate having me in their life. Yes, I have friends who I see whenever I want.
    I am a woman in love with my body. I’m not too fat for the view of anyone.
    I am a woman confident of my sexuality, no despise involved or wondering if I am woman enough.
    I am a woman who can awaken beautiful feelings of a man towards her. Yes, is not like you said: "If it's not me, no one can."
    I am a smart woman who can handle different roles, who can have intelligent conversations, and who likes to learn every day. I'm not dumb or stupid.

    I am a woman with a good sense of humor who likes to see life from the bright side and love to laugh. (I’m thankful that even with the worst things I lived beside you; you never took my smile or laughter away).
Even more, I am a happy, amazing, confident, smart, funny, caring, good-hearted woman who tries to live her life to the fullest, wearing a smile on her face every day, and is thankful for all that she is today.

I am way more of what you thought I would be. And you know what? There’s way more to come.
Stay tuned...

Take care, Tere

Sharing a little more of my abusive relationship experience

A friend of mine asked me the other day why I didn’t write more about the experience I had with an abusive relationship. He thinks that letting other women know about it will benefit them because it might help those experiencing or have experienced the same thing.
That made me think why I really don’t do it. But, most of all, (and I don’t know why) made me think about that year after I left the abusive relationship.
For me, being part of an abusive relationship was hard but was even harder trying to live after that type of relationship was over.
Why you might think.
Well, living in an abusive relationship everyday kind of makes the abuse part of your life. That’s all you know, you get used to it. I lived like that, but when it was over and I thought of what I went through and the time I have spent on it, a bunch of new feelings came out.



I was full with guilt, shame, disbelief of why I stayed, and, most of all, I carried for a long time, in myself, a lot of the insults that I’ve been told.
Guilt and shame... I felt guilty because I stayed in that relationship for so long. Why I did it was a question that I made myself every day. I felt ashamed of myself, again, for being in that relationship for so long and also because what kind of woman I was to let that happen to me. Guilt and shame hunted me every day; every time I saw my parents, my sons, my friends, and every time someone told me that they couldn’t believe my relationship was over because we were the perfect couple.

The insults, the verbal and emotional insults I received, well, those stayed with me for a long time. For months and months, I could hear him saying those insults to me as it was the actual day that he did it. That I was fat, dumb, that I would never achieve anything in my life, that I wasn’t sexual competent, that no other man could possibly love me were part of the insults. These were accompanied by yelling, screaming, aggressive behavior, checking constantly were I was, and a constantly, absurd jealousy.

I lived with all those feelings for a long year and a half and I’ll be lying to you if I tell you that sporadically when I’m doing or experiencing something specifically (like an award I received as an author, a date, a compliment I received, or at work) I don't hear those voices again, because I do.

I am a stronger woman now and those voices can’t hurt me anymore. They don’t hurt simply because I know now that I have never should feel guilt or shame. It was him who was wrong, not me. There is nothing wrong with me. They don’t hurt, also, because there are a lot of great women who, like me, have suffered what I have suffered and who are suffering every day. They, as well as me, aren’t weak women or a lesser type of women. They are just caught up in an abusive relationship. Most of all, this type of relationship does not define them or me at all. We are way more than a woman in an abusive relationship or one that has experienced one.
All these women, as well as myself, are great, smart, caring, funny, lovable, creative, incredible human beings capable of loving and respecting a man. But, most of all, we are amazing women that deserve love, respect, care, and happiness next to a man willing to give us that and more.
Take care, Tere