To the man who said I couldn’t be or accomplished anything... on the Domestic Violence Awareness month

October is the National Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I want to say some things to that man that told me many, many, many times that I was nothing and that I couldn’t or wouldn’t be or accomplished anything.
You, the one that thought I couldn’t do anything, couldn’t be someone. Even more, you, the one that made me believe I couldn’t achieve anything...
Here I am, almost 6 years later after I ended our relationship and I have achieved way more than you can imagine. I am a woman with multiple roles in my life. Roles that I embrace every single day:
    I am a mother, a single one, who for the past 6 years (without counting all the ones before) has been a mom and a dad, loving and caring my sons.
    I am a published author with 3 published books and an award. Ha, and you thought that no one will publish my books.
    I am a mental health therapist and to think that you told me that I will never graduate from my masters.
    I am a teacher who tutors kids and love interacting and teaching them. Funny, you said I was too shy to do that kind of thing.
    I am a daughter who loves and takes care of their parents even on the distance, and you said I was a bad daughter because I was leaving them.
    I am a good friend to my friends who appreciate having me in their life. Yes, I have friends who I see whenever I want.
    I am a woman in love with my body. I’m not too fat for the view of anyone.
    I am a woman confident of my sexuality, no despise involved or wondering if I am woman enough.
    I am a woman who can awaken beautiful feelings of a man towards her. Yes, is not like you said: "If it's not me, no one can."
    I am a smart woman who can handle different roles, who can have intelligent conversations, and who likes to learn every day. I'm not dumb or stupid.

    I am a woman with a good sense of humor who likes to see life from the bright side and love to laugh. (I’m thankful that even with the worst things I lived beside you; you never took my smile or laughter away).
Even more, I am a happy, amazing, confident, smart, funny, caring, good-hearted woman who tries to live her life to the fullest, wearing a smile on her face every day, and is thankful for all that she is today.

I am way more of what you thought I would be. And you know what? There’s way more to come.
Stay tuned...

Take care, Tere

She got flowers... history of domestic violence

Every day a lot of women suffer abuse from their partner. Physical, emotional, verbal are some of the abuse they have to deal with. Sometimes, people judge why these women stay in these relationships... why they don’t leave, why they keep tolerating that behavior. It’s simple to give an opinion from the outside, but until you don’t live that type of relationship you don’t how it goes. You don’t know how many demons these women have to battle every day. And by demons, I’m not referring only the ones from their partner but, also, the ones of their own. I think is better to stop blaming these women for staying in the relationship and start asking why their partner have to treat them that way.
I’m sharing with you a poem written by Paulette Kelly where she gives battered women the voice they need.
Take care, Tere

Sharing a little more of my abusive relationship experience

A friend of mine asked me the other day why I didn’t write more about the experience I had with an abusive relationship. He thinks that letting other women know about it will benefit them because it might help those experiencing or have experienced the same thing.
That made me think why I really don’t do it. But, most of all, (and I don’t know why) made me think about that year after I left the abusive relationship.
For me, being part of an abusive relationship was hard but was even harder trying to live after that type of relationship was over.
Why you might think.
Well, living in an abusive relationship everyday kind of makes the abuse part of your life. That’s all you know, you get used to it. I lived like that, but when it was over and I thought of what I went through and the time I have spent on it, a bunch of new feelings came out.



I was full with guilt, shame, disbelief of why I stayed, and, most of all, I carried for a long time, in myself, a lot of the insults that I’ve been told.
Guilt and shame... I felt guilty because I stayed in that relationship for so long. Why I did it was a question that I made myself every day. I felt ashamed of myself, again, for being in that relationship for so long and also because what kind of woman I was to let that happen to me. Guilt and shame hunted me every day; every time I saw my parents, my sons, my friends, and every time someone told me that they couldn’t believe my relationship was over because we were the perfect couple.

The insults, the verbal and emotional insults I received, well, those stayed with me for a long time. For months and months, I could hear him saying those insults to me as it was the actual day that he did it. That I was fat, dumb, that I would never achieve anything in my life, that I wasn’t sexual competent, that no other man could possibly love me were part of the insults. These were accompanied by yelling, screaming, aggressive behavior, checking constantly were I was, and a constantly, absurd jealousy.

I lived with all those feelings for a long year and a half and I’ll be lying to you if I tell you that sporadically when I’m doing or experiencing something specifically (like an award I received as an author, a date, a compliment I received, or at work) I don't hear those voices again, because I do.

I am a stronger woman now and those voices can’t hurt me anymore. They don’t hurt simply because I know now that I have never should feel guilt or shame. It was him who was wrong, not me. There is nothing wrong with me. They don’t hurt, also, because there are a lot of great women who, like me, have suffered what I have suffered and who are suffering every day. They, as well as me, aren’t weak women or a lesser type of women. They are just caught up in an abusive relationship. Most of all, this type of relationship does not define them or me at all. We are way more than a woman in an abusive relationship or one that has experienced one.
All these women, as well as myself, are great, smart, caring, funny, lovable, creative, incredible human beings capable of loving and respecting a man. But, most of all, we are amazing women that deserve love, respect, care, and happiness next to a man willing to give us that and more.
Take care, Tere

My abusive relationship experience...

Abusive relationships happen every day, every hour, and to anyone. It doesn’t matter where you live, your social status, religion, or education. It’s out there and real. It’s more real than you know. You might have a friend who is involved in this type of relationship and you don't even now.


I was part of one myself. I was in an abusive relationship for way too much time. Yelling, insults (like fat, dumb, sexually incompetent, inept), always making me feel guilty, jealous about everyone (including my two sons), trying to make me feel less were part of my everyday life.


I was used to it. I was "happy". That's all I knew. I was so in love that I didn't notice that I was abused. I didn't care about what my sister, my friends, anyone told me; I always made an excuse excusing him. Nothing wrong was going on.



It had been 5 years since I decided I was done with my relationship. It sure took me a lot of time to be done with it but is better late than never. Right?


I have invested too many years of my life in that relationship.


The day I was done with it, it was when I felt how heavy was the load I was carrying when I was no longer feeling that weight.



After I finished my relationship; I took a profound look at my interior self, at what I have lived and what was going to be my new life. Part of my introspection included trying to remember my life of the past twenty-something years. Weirdly, it seems that I have erased from my mind most of the things that happened to me in this relationship, both good and bad. I erased experiences when he abused me but I also erased experiences that were about Christmas, birthdays, family get togethers and events, among others. 


I'm pretty sure I did it in a way to protect myself. I am a counselor, I know that our mind is powerful and can do strange things to help you cope with different situations.



The decisions I took after my separation were hard to understand for some people (including one of my sons) but they were necessary. One of them was that I needed to get as far away as I could from my ex. His love was an obsessive one so I needed to place a lot of distance between us. So, I did, I moved to Florida to start a new life. 

I was immensely hurt. He tore my self-esteem apart. A lot of the insults he said to me stayed with me for a long, long time. I believed they were true. Little by little I began to heal and I began to be secure about myself and of the great woman I am.

From every situation and experience, we learned something and this wasn't an exception. I learned that it wasn't me who was wrong, it was him. I learned that a love relationship should have more tears of joy than of sadness. I learned that life always offers second chances. I learned that love shouldn't hurt if it hurts is not love. I learned that you can love again even if you were hurt. I learned that you can always create new memories. Most of all, I learned and I know that I am a smart, creative, caring, funny, lovable, extraordinary woman who is capable of loving and respect a man and most of all deserve a relationship fund on respect, caring, happiness, and love.



If you have had the same experience as mine; belief in yourself, believe in second chances, and believe that you are capable to have a magnificent relationship with someone who will love and respect you.



Take care, Tere