Monday, November 6, 2017

An abusive relationship experience...

Abusive relationships happen every day, every hour, and to anyone. It doesn’t matter where you live, your social status, religion, or education. It’s out there and real. It’s more real than you know. You might have a friend who is involved in this type of relationship and you don't even now.

I was part of one myself. I was in an abusive relationship for way too much time. Yelling, insults (like fat, dumb, sexually incompetent, inept), always making me feel guilty, jealous about everyone (including my two sons), trying to make me feel less were part of my everyday life.

I was used to it. I was "happy". That's all I knew. I was so in love that I didn't notice that I was abused. I didn't care about what my sister, my friends, anyone told me; I always made an excuse excusing him. Nothing wrong was going on.

It had been 5 years since I decided I was done with my relationship. It sure took me a lot of time to be done with it but is better late than never. Right?

I have invested too many years of my life in that relationship.

The day I was done with it, it was when I felt how heavy was the load I was carrying when I was no longer feeling that weight.

After I finished my relationship; I took a profound look at my interior self, at what I have lived and what was going to be my new life. Part of my introspection included trying to remember my life of the past twenty-something years. Weirdly, it seems that I have erased from my mind most of the things that happened to me in this relationship, both good and bad. I erased experiences when he abused me but I also erased experiences that were about Christmas, birthdays, family get togethers and events, among others. 

I'm pretty sure I did it in a way to protect myself. I am a counselor, I know that our mind is powerful and can do strange things to help you cope with different situations.

The decisions I took after my separation were hard to understand for some people (including one of my sons) but they were necessary. One of them was that I needed to get as far away as I could from my ex. His love was an obsessive one so I needed to place a lot of distance between us. So, I did, I moved to Florida to start a new life. 

I was immensely hurt. He tore my self-esteem apart. A lot of the insults he said to me stayed with me for a long, long time. I believed they were true. Little by little I began to heal and I began to be secure about myself and of the great woman I am.

From every situation and experience, we learned something and this wasn't an exception. I learned that it wasn't me who was wrong, it was him. I learned that a love relationship should have more tears of joy than of sadness. I learned that life always offers second chances. I learned that love shouldn't hurt if it hurts is not love. I learned that you can love again even if you were hurt. I learned that you can always create new memories. Most of all, I learned and I know that I am a smart, creative, caring, funny, lovable, extraordinary woman who is capable of loving and respect a man and most of all deserve a relationship fund on respect, caring, happiness, and love.

If you have had the same experience as mine; belief in yourself, believe in second chances, and believe that you are capable to have a magnificent relationship with someone who will love and respect you.

Take care, Tere

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